It's a terrible thought but I'd probably have been a Nazi.

The girl at the Hostel desk was surly, a real winter chill. I'd asked her for a map, I knew she had them, everyone had them but she ignored me. I was only being polite, I'd already spied them behind the Iron curtain of a desk. So I broke detante, lent over and seized one. It was a pity because the rest of the Hungarian I met seemed nice enough chaps, a little quiet, but I suppose I can be overbearing so the fault is probably as much mine as theirs,. that is if difference is a fault at all.


The map was a touristic classic, It had all the sites of historical interests marked and some which weren't.  It had numbers from 1-300 of things to see and do. I get the impression that it was compliled by an over zealous, underling in Hungrys ministry of culture. Not every statue is a site, and most definitely not of interest. The nearest number, number 15,  was the Great Synagogue, in the centre of what was the Great Jewish quarter, now of course just the Jewish quarter. The synagogue is still grand. Its enormous, comparable to Christendoms cathedrals. It was built in 1854 by Budapests large Jewish community but in the Moorish style. The Jews once composed 25% plus of the population of Budapest. Of course like much of Europe, Hitler and his goons did their best to put an end to such wonderful diversity.

I knew a Hungarian, in fact I knew a Hungarian Jew and to quote him "A Hungarian Jew is the only man who can enter a revolving door behind you and come out in front", Tenacity, you always have to admire that. Budapest's community is recovering, tenaciously fighting back, but it has been ravaged and I don't suppose it will ever be what it once was was, even if they are amazing at the revolving door trick. Before the war there were 250,000 by the end it was less than 150,000 the difference can be made up by murder . It is difficult not to judge in the face of such cold, bloody facts, really, how could this have happened? We saw it to quote Churchill circa April 1944. " There is no doubt that this persecution of Jews in Hungary and their expulsion from enemy territory is probably the greatest and most horrible crime ever committed in the whole history of the world". 


Would I have seen it? Probably not. You have to pinch yourself, you have to be honest, would you have gone along with what was happening? I expect so. That is the chilling truth, if you stare into the abyss and the abyss stares back at you, he'll smirk, snigger and whisper in you ear "in all probability in 1944 you would have been complicit in the State operated industry of murder". Its a horrible thought, something I'll never forget, I truly wish I could. 


The Jewish quarter would have been bursting then, now its quiet. The Synagogue was only repaired in 1991 from the ravages of the war and then the soviets. Even time can't heal these wounds. In light of the depressing fact that I would have probably been a Nazi symperthiser, I can take heart in the brilliance that just maybe, if I am the man I like to think I am (And I know I'm not), I would have been either Budapestian, Giorgio Perlasca or Raoul Wallenberg. They both masqueraded as diplomats, they both danced daily with death, matching wits with the Nazi Death machine and winning. In various capacities at great personal risk to themselves they saved thousands, tens of thousands of Budapest's Jews. Unimaginable bravery, these two boys were real good eggs; a credit to humanity. Wallenberg died somewhere in Russia, he was arrested by the Soviets at the end of the war, I couldn't find out why. And, after the war Perlasca returned to his native Italy, he never mentioned what he had achieved. It took the Jews he saved some 40 years to track him down, find him and thank him. That is unquestionable heroics, integrity, the beam of redemptive light in an otherwise ghastly, horrific story. 


The Synagogue is the physical manifestation of what is a long and awful saga of persecution and murder. And in this tale, in which there is almost nothing good to say and a tragic absence of good men. In the light of the horrible truth that I may well have been a Nazi sympathiser, I will pretend I would have been one of these better men. The better Angels of our Nature. That is what you have to do, otherwise you simply can't explain it. Afterall, this would never happen on my watch would it?